There’s no shortage of bloggers and tech websites knocking out endless news reports claiming to know something about what the next gen Apple iPhone is going to look like.
There’s been rumours, claimed leaks, shady insider statements and fuzzy photos supposedly snapped at a top secret factory somewhere or another. But we know the inside story…
Sadly, we haven’t got any pixelated pictures of blurry bits of metal claiming to be the new iPhone yet, so we’re a bit short in the photographic department, but we had a go at making one up anyway, just to catch your eye (not that we’re suggesting other sites would do such a thing).
We haven’t pulled apart an iPhone to find a ‘suspicious’ looking void that could be used to fit a radar detector or laser beam either, and when it comes to rumours circulated by the brother of the security guard who knows a friend of Steve Jobs’ cleaner, we’re clean out of luck too.
In fact, we’ll come right out and admit it: we haven’t a clue what the next iPhone is going to look like -we don’t even know what it’s going to be called – and neither has any other site churning out traffic-boosting “inside” rumours on a near daily basis.
We know nothing. Nada. Zip. Not a sausage. And neither they do they.
Some idle speculation
However, seeing as we’ve started, we’re game to throw around a few ideas and suggest possible new features for fun – and if by some jammy fluke we manage to get some right, then – hey! – we’ll be the first to claim secret insider knowledge.
In a nutshell: we reckon the 4G will have a LED flash, a slightly better camera (not much of an achievement considering the current one is so poor) and maybe a pointless front facing camera for those video calls that you’re never going to make.
The iPhone 4G may be offered with an OLED screen option to help fix the dreadful battery life, but it’ll be set at the same resolution as the current handset, as we can’t imagine Apple are going to risk upsetting their zillions of developers by suddenly making them have to support three screen sizes (with the iPad).
Actually, maybe we should think that last bit over again seeing as Apple seem to have no qualms about pissing off their developers when it suits their own business interests.
The bottom line is that we can’t see them wanting to dilute the impact of the iPad with a bigger-screened iPhone, so we’d wager as much as £2.50 on the iPhone screen resolution staying the same. That’s how confident we are.
Multi-tasking is on the way
We reckon this could well be a goer. The iPad will be a truly wretched device to use without multi-tasking, so we expect to see this introduced in the next iPhone OS update, accompanied by much-needed improved battery life.
Least we hope it is: anyone who’s used a Palm Pre soon realises that the iPhone’s ‘open app-close app-open app-close app’ way of doing things borders on near-neolithic in comparison.
Talking of batteries, anyone fostering hopes that handy, user-removable batteries are finally going to be introduced can go whistle. Being an iPhone user means that the option of lobbing a couple of cheap back-up batteries in your bag for a trip will remain a distant dream. Doh!
No QWERTY, No Cry
Much as we’d love to see it, we predict that there’s never going to be an iPhone with a hardware keyboard.
Oberführer Jobs has dictated that virtual screens are the way forward and we can’t see him reversing that decision any time soon.
That’s good news for Blackberry who know how users value a well laid out touchy-feely keyboard (we’ll forget about the Storm disaster), but the future for iPhoners is tapping on cold, unforgiving glass forever.
There’s about as much chance of Flash appearing on the iPhone as there is of Freddie Mercury rising from the dead to sing a cover of Paper Lace’s, “Billy, Don’t Be A Hero” in the Dog & Duck, Peckham.
Apple and Adobe have spent the last few months hissing at each other, and Steve Jobs insists that HTML5 is the future of everything, even if we’ll probably have to wait five years before that actually happens.
Sod the SD card
Not a chance. Apple relies on incremental memory upgrades to send their fanboys into apoplectic upgrading fits, so bolting on something as genuinely useful as a memory slot is never going to happen.
To misquote Transvision Vamp, Apple don’t want your love, they want your money, honey.
You can forget about an FM radio too. And DVB Mobile TV and anything else that puts free content on your iPhone that Apple can’t control and make money out of.
The iPhone is really all about the apps these days. There’s loads of better spec’d phones out there, but the iPhone’s eco-system can’t be beat and that’s what will always give it the edge over rivals – even if the phone’s hardware falls short of its rivals.
For that reason we’ll rule out any big changes that lock out older iPhone owners because that won’t be in Apple’s interests – push them too far out and they’ll soon be eyeing fresher, cheaper alternatives from the likes of Android and Palm.
Oh, and as for the “real inside story,” that’s simply the fact that there is no inside story.
We’ve learnt that shunting out unverified, unsourced, half arsed rumours about Apple’s new products isn’t ‘alf good for a website’s traffic – and it pushes up their advertising revenues rather nicely too.
That’s why you’ll find no shortage of fresh iPhone rumours and dubious Apple ‘exclusives’ being generated all over the web, with their contents quietly forgotten when the revelations turn out to be another load of old cods-wallop.
Rather like this article. Thanks for reading!
Next week: Exclusive! Alfie, the bloke who works at the chippy in Pontypridd who says he served Steve Jobs a bag of King Edward’s finest two years ago shares a few of his thoughts about the iPad.
Got an opinion? Hit the comment box below and let us hear you.